No qualifiers.

In bullfighting the toro (bull) enters the ring from a specific entrance. Right outside of this entrance el matador (the bullfighter) waits for the bull. He is usually waiting by either kneeling or squatting behind a red flag/cape. As soon as the bull enters, the first thing the bull sees is the red cape, and the matador hiding behind it. Instantly a connection is made. Red cape equals matador; to get to him, he must go through the cape.

For the remainder of the show, and the bull's life, the bull keeps purposely searching for the matador behind this red cape. The matador's role is to always gracefully move and avoid being horned by the bull. He must calculate, and asses the distance of the horns, of the bull, from his own body. The closer the distance, the more exciting the show. This elegant dance continues regardless of the futile efforts of the bull to hurt him. The bull is never in control. He just goes through the motions and attempts to fulfill its only goal: to kill the matador.

This translates to more than just bullfighting. There are certain rules that you have to follow in order to achieve what you want to achieve. Like the bull, there is always a red cape that you have to strive for to get to the matador. This form of thinking isn't foreign to anyone that has done anything with their lives. For example, if you want to lose weight, you cut down your calories, and you work out. Easy. If you want to gain weight, do the opposite. Much easier.

Unfortunately for us, the rules are not always as clear cut as we'd like them to be. Usually, at least in terms of fulfilling our goals, the matador isn't always behind the red cape. Accepting this, realizing this, understanding this had been a challenge for me. A challenge that none other than my absent father addressed when I sat and shared a cup of coffee with him in Buenos Aires this past December.

Sitting across from me was this older looking guy to whom I had no affection. No love. It had been twelve years since I had seen him. After my parent's divorce he simply stopped fulfilling all of his responsibilities- financial and emotional. This had been, up until this cup of coffee, my biggest source of insecurity. He didn't do what he was supposed to do. I was the matador, and he was the bull, and he never strived to get me.

After receiving our coffees, he stirred his and began to say:
"There are many things that I want to say to you, as I'm sure there are even more that you want to say to me. But when shit hits the fan everyone gets dirty, regardless of who threw the feces to the fan or who turned the fan on. I think that we've lost enough time already. I think that we should put the past behind us and accept that life is."

He stopped to take a sip, and let what he had just said sink in.

"Life is. No qualifier. No comparison. Life is, and you try to make the best of it. And sometimes, when you look back, you realize that you've made mistakes."

This has been my philosophy lately. It has freed me from always being the bull, and sometimes thinking that I'm the matador. I've stopped trying to control everything, and stopped trying to allow others to control me. My only task is to live life as it is. Without if's and but's, simply fulfilling the only task I have been assigned: to live it; to live life as it is. To play my hand with the cards I got, and not with the cards that I wished I had. To live life with no comparisons, with no qualifiers. To live...